Something to laugh about! (:

1) "I've never had a major knee surgery on any other part of my body"

-Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward-

2) Question : If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer : I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which iswhy I would not live forever.

-Miss Alabama i nthe 1994 Miss USA contest-


3) "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and dead and stuff"

-Mariah Carey-


4) "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"

-Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for the federal anti-smoking campaign-


5) "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country"

-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC-


6) "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by an jackass, and I'm just the one to do it"

-A congressional candidate in Texas-


7) "Half this game is ninety percent mental"

-Philadelphia Phillies manager-


8) "It isn't pollution that's harming the enviroment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"

-Al Gore, Vice President-


9) " I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix"

-Dan Quayle-


10) "We've got to pause and ask ourselfs, how much clean air do we need?"

-Lee Iacocca-


11) " The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein"(who is Norman Einstein???)

-JoeTheisman, NFL football quaterback & sports analyst-


12) "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people"

-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instuctor-


13) "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received noticed that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances"

-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina-


14) "Traditionally, most of Australia's import comes from overseas"

-Keppel Enderbery-


15) If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughtout the night.And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record"

-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman-